Savage Rage by Mpofu Thandiwe & Thandie

Author:Mpofu, Thandiwe & Thandie
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2022-07-24T00:00:00+00:00

30

Noah

If my damn body wasn’t frozen solid with shock, my jaw would be somewhere catching flies.

I don’t know which to address first.

The fact that Kimberly has suffered from IBS before—which I can totally see happening—or the horrifying punch in the gut of being called out by a ten-year-old?

There’s nothing but weighted silence behind me.

I can feel my damn cold, dark heart crawl up my chest until it lodges itself in my damn throat.

How the hell did she know that I drink, let alone that I do it in fucking excess?

I’ve never felt this pathetic in my life before.

“Whoa,” King or Emmett or whoever mutters behind me. “I wasn’t expecting him to get slapped with reality like that.”

Neither was I.

All my stupid ass can do is blink at Lolo.

I scramble to find an excuse, wrecking my brain for something, anything to negate my very toxic tendency of drinking my pain away.

It’s as if she just dumped a bucket of ice-cold water over my head.

“I…”

“It’s all right, tooth fairy!” she shouts with a beautiful smile on her face. “Just stop drinking so much alcohol from now on. Instead, drink lots of water! It’s good for the high altitude and for your health!”

My knees grow weak. I almost stumble back but I hold steady.

My drinking… I’ve never thought of it as a problem.

To me, it’s been a solution to the mess in my head, the chill in my heart and the loneliness I feel most times.

I never thought a child would notice and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think she would call me out on it in the sweetest, kindest way possible.

Suddenly, I feel disgusted with myself.

I don’t feel worthy enough to be in the lives of these beautiful souls, let alone be around them when I’m such a mess.

Lolo goes back to playing with her pony while Chubby runs circles around the three girls.

Out in the yard, there’s nothing but giggles, but inside the gazebo, there’s nothing but silence.

“And how does that make you feel?” Emmett questions quietly.

“Shut up.”

My default setting would be to drink the pain away, but that’s the fucking problem.

My coping mechanism is way too toxic and it’s obviously affecting the ones I should protect.

I didn’t think my drinking was that obvious.

As a matter of fact, I usually indulge when I’m by my-fucking-self, which—until two and a half months ago when Kimberly came back into my life—was almost always the case.

I’ve had my fixes and vices to get me through the day, but the best drug will always be Kimberly.

She settles the turmoil in my heart with just a smile so without her…

I stare at the silver flask in my hand, then back at Lolo, Casey and a cooing baby Claire grabbing Chubby’s ears as they play around their ponies.

Was my drinking noticeable this week?

I know the girls were worried about Kimmy.

She wasn’t herself at all. But that doesn’t matter, she’s still mine.

This past week, I watched over her, worrying about her then having to ease Lolo and Casey, so they wouldn’t worry.

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